My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
