...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
