we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
