Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
