How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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