So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
