Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
