My first STD was from a foam party
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
