hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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