we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
