I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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