My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
