ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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