Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
