Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I need to calm my uterus...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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