Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
