Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
