his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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