I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
