Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My liver just had a heart attack.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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