Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
