I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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