Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
