so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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