I could make wine with my vomit
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
