moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
