You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
