i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
