why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
