I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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