went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just invented taco cereal.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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