found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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