We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i came on her dog
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
