Porn is love you can see.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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