My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
