i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
