the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
