He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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