She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
