Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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