the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
