Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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