so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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