She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
