omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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