Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
