I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
