i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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