So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
