I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
