Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
