there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
