If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
how drunk are you?
Several
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
