I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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