today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
