I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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