Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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