i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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