I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
