My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
