Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
