just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
