so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
