Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
