what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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