our cab driver is having phone sex.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So I just went to clothing optional bar
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
