i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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